The Waiting Room From HELL!
by sandwichgirl
Summary: Ron and Hermione are having a baby! but it's not all happiness and sunshine. See what terror ensues in the hospital with things like vomit, things stuck in people's noses, and singing. Just read and you'll find out! PART FIVE READY FOR YOUR EAGER EYES!!!!
1. whatever happened to good old fashioned ...

The waiting room from Hell. By Frida Louis Johnson  
  
Disclaimer: I own no characters in this story. They all belong to JK Rowling. But once I take over the world, she will feel my wrath! And if she does not surrender them to me, I will send my minion chipmunks out to attack her!  
  
  
  
  
  
Note: this story takes place three years after Harry, Ron and Hermione graduate from Hogwarts. Do not be alarmed!  
  
  
  
Chapter one: in which Ron and Hermione are rushed into the maternity ward.  
  
"Push Hermione, puuush!" Ron screamed as he raced down the hospital hallway.  
  
"You did this to me, you -------(you fill in the blanks. I don't like bad words.)!" Hermione screamed back. The gurney jolted across the hospital floor. "I hate you I hate you I hate you!" she panted several times then started again: " I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate-"  
  
Meanwhile… In the waiting room…  
  
Harry Potter paced back and forth. Hermione and Ron were his two best friends. They had asked him to be there. Ron and Hermione had been married for one year, they got married the summer after graduating. Ron and Hermione had finally realized their feelings for each other after Harry had defeated the dark lord for what? The eighth time? Voldemort had vanished into thin air. He was still around somewhere. But Harry Potter other things on his mind. His two best friends were going to have a baby. But he was really getting bored in the tiny waiting room. He had already read all the boring, old magazines sitting on the plastic table, and already played musical chairs with himself on the plastic chairs (you'd think they'd be able to make something nicer in a MAGICAL hospital) and graffitied the paintings of sails boats on the walls. They now had "THE BOY WHO LIVED WAS HERE" scrawled all over them. He knew it was wrong, but was so bored! He had also spent all his spare change on a nasty tuna fish sandwich frome one the big vending machines. Harry had no idea that it could take so long for some one to have a baby. He had been waiting for a full twenty minutes! He decided to ask someone.  
  
"Excuse me Ma'am?" Harry asked a large nurse passing by. The nurse turned around. A large, sweaty, hairy masculine figure stood there.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Sir, I thought you were a woman."  
  
"I am a woman." The nurse said in a deep voice.  
  
"Never mind." The large, hairy woman walked away. Harry located another person dressed in hospital garb. He approached the young woman with wild dark brown hair.  
  
"Excuse me, but could you tell me how long it takes for a woman to have a baby?"  
  
"Well… I'm not a maternity nurse, but I think it takes anywhere from ten minutes, to three days." Her eyes grew wild. "But if you poke 'em just right, they'll pop out like a gopher from his hole!" She then came in close to Harry and whispered: "have you ever blown up a balloon, then let it go?" She winked and nodded. Harry tried not to look mortified with the thought of a baby squirting out of Hermione and flying across the room erratically.  
  
"Thank… you…" Harry muttered.  
  
"Don't mention it! That's what I'm here for!" And the nurse skipped off. She only got about three skips away, when three buff guards came by and grabbed her.  
  
"Come with us, Miss Stroud. We've been looking for you."  
  
"But I'm perfectly fine! You can't take me back! You can't you can't you can't! QUACK! I'm a duck! I'm a duck! Quack! Quack!" the buff men dragged the woman away.  
  
Harry sat down again and just stared at the opposite wall. Soon, another person joined him.  
  
"Oh look who I happen to run into. Potter." Harry looked up. Draco Malfoy was standing at the entrance to the emergency room. He had a smirk on his face. And something else… Harry looked closer.  
  
"Malfoy, what do you have in your nose?" Malfoy gave him a smirk and gave a hearty laugh.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know, Potty head!" Harry stood up.  
  
"Malfoy, is that a… marble?"  
  
"No, Stupid! It's a rememberall. You know, the kind that glow red when you forget something." He looked smug.  
  
"I know that! Why's it up your nose?"  
  
"That's for me to know and you to find out!"  
  
"You know why. Tell me."  
  
"I put it there…" The rememberall glowed bright red.  
  
"Why on earth would you put a rememberall up your nose?"  
  
"Well, Potter, you see, I am very rich and I can afford many, many rememberalls. Why do I need this one? Why not put it up my nose? Well… and I wanted to see what would fit in my nostril. I could fit a Bertie Bott's every flavor bean, a cheerio, a lot of the little porcelain figures my mother collects, a teaspoon, a table spoon, a wooden spoon, all the chess pieces, a quill, three insects of different sizes, my big toe, part of a chocolate frog, a peanut, I gave up on the moose head we have hanging above the hearth, a goldfish, my wand, my bottle of hair gel, a key, a bouncy ball, a cherry tomato, a carrot, three of my fingers, my hair dryer, a can of soup, an umbrella, and a gerbil …and most of the things came out when I plugged the other nostril, and blew through my nose. But this bloody thing just won't bloody budge!" He indicated the rememberall protruding from his left nostril.  
  
Suddenly, Ginny came running in, gasping for breath.  
  
"Am I too late? Did they already have the baby? Did they name it something else?"  
  
"No," Harry told her. "Just calm down. The baby won't be born until… a long time later…" Ginny looked disappointed. But I have the perfect name! It's… Bertha."  
  
"Bertha!?" Harry and Draco said at the same time.  
  
"Bertha." Ginny said with a dreamy smile on her face. "Bertha." Then, piano music started playing. And drums. Draco and Harry looked around confused. They looked around to see where it was coming from. Ginny started to sing (at this point, you make up your own tune.):  
  
"Bertha is the moooooooooooooooooooo-oo-oooooost wonderful name."  
  
Invisible back round singers:  
  
"ber-tha!"  
  
Ginny:  
  
"Bertha is the mooooooooooooooooooo-oo-oooooost wonderful name… of them all!"  
  
IBRS:  
  
"Of them aaaaaaaaaaaaaall!"  
  
Ginny:  
  
"My brother is having his first child, and the thought of what to name it, just drives me wild… iiiiiiiiiiit's bertha!"  
  
IBRS:  
  
"beeeeeeeeeeeertha!"  
  
Ginny:  
  
"I like the name, others just don't sound the same to Bertha!"  
  
  
  
…To be continued!  
  
What will happen to our brave heroes? Will Ginny get to name Ron and Hermione's child? Will Harry ever get out of the waiting room from hell? Will Draco get the stupid thing out of his nose? Find out this and more in the next thrilling chapter of:  
  
THE WAITING ROOM FROM HELL!!! 


	2. In which Ron and Hermione discover a str...

Part two: in which Ginny finally finishes her song, and Ron and Hermione find out about a strange new obstetrician…  
  
  
  
The music suddenly became very wild and jazz-like. Ginny leapt atop the tiny coffee table and started flailing her arms and legs around. For about ten minutes, magazines flew all over the waiting room hitting walls and covering the floor, while Ginny "danced" her way through the instrumental break. Harry and Draco looked at each other in horror. Ginny stopped jumping around, and got down and started break dancing. Then, jumped up, did a back flip off the table, landed and sang the final verse:  
  
"Bertha! Bertha! B-E-R-T-H-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"  
  
After a long and confusing instrumental ending, including Ginny doing a complicated soft shoe on the hospital floor, her song finally ended. Ginny bowed. Harry and Draco clapped. A little. But mostly they were confused.  
  
"So, do you think Ron and Hermione'll like it?" She asked. Harry and Draco nodded and put on fake smiles to make her feel better. Harry thought it looked like her limbs were on fire. Draco though that the baby should be named: Mackerel, The Magical Flying Monkey-Fish.  
  
  
  
  
  
Back in the maternity ward:  
  
"I hate you I hate you I hate you!" Hermione finished.  
  
"Remember to breathe, hon." Ron reminded her. Hermione already had her legs in the stirrups. "Doctor, how much longer will she be in labor?" He asked the man busy peering into Hermione's… umm… baby area…  
  
"It's hard to say at this point." He muttered standing up, and removing his mask. Hermione and Ron both recoiled. Hermione screamed.  
  
"GET THAT MONSTER AWAY FROM MY BABY!" For the man delivering her baby was no other then the one, the only, the LORD VOLDEMORT! Hermione began panic. Ron grabbed one of the shiny, pointy things on the table next to Hermione's legs.  
  
"No! No, it's not what you think!" Voldemort said.  
  
"Oh, no you don't you evil, evil man! Don't you dare get near my wife!" Ron started to wave the instrument dangerously.  
  
"No, you don't understand! I'm not evil anymore!"  
  
"Oh, please! You're not fooling anyone! I'll beat'cher head in, you slimey scum-sucking gastropod! You're head will be hanging on top of my hearth except for the fact that I'm going to beat it in with this thingy here!"  
  
"Wait! Please, let me explain! My whole life I've wanted to become an obstetrician. But then… I became evil." He wiped a tear from his eye. "So now that your friend, that potter boy, has taught me my final lesson, I decided to come back and reach my final goal in life! To bring new tiny lives into the world, instead of taking them out! And now I witness the beautiful miracle of life everyday! And I have found new power in the words of the good book. I carry a bible with me everywhere I go. I have really turned my life around, thanks to your friend. And you two." Voldemort's eyes shining with tears looked up, to witness both Ron and Hermione sobbing with him at his inspirational story.  
  
"th-th-that's so sweet!" Ron sobbed. Suddenly Hermione started another contraction.  
  
"aaaa! DRUGS!!! Give me drugs!"  
  
"But Hermione, I thought we wanted to have a natural baby without magic, or any drugs."  
  
"I DON'T CARE WHETER THIS BABY'S BORN WITH THREE EYES! GIVE ME MORPHINE!!!"  
  
"Pettigrew, get Mrs.Weasley the anestisiologist." Voldemort called to the back room. A woman of slight build with honey brown hair came from the back room carrying a tray of live hamsters. Her head was at a strange tilt and her eyes were wide and crazy.  
  
"Your HAMSTERS my lord." She crowed with a wild grin.  
  
"Security! Here's another one!" Voldemort screamed. The same three men that Harry had seen carry away the first young woman carried this one out too. The woman kept hold of her tray of hamsters and the same expression on her face the whole time she was carried away, her eyes locked on Voldemort. "Sorry about that," Voldemort apologized. "The loony bin crashed a truck outside earlier today." Hermione and Ron nodded in understanding.  
  
  
  
To be continued!!!  
  
Stay tuned for vomit, giant cakes, and the actual birth! Will Ginny perform her dance for Ron and Hermione? A boy or a girl? And what is the strange gift Fred and George give Ron? Stick around!!! 


	3. Dumbledore joins them in the waiting roo...

Meanwhile:  
  
Dumbledore sat down heavily in his chair. After more than fifty years as head master of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, coming back to his office was always a joy at the end of the day. He grabbed a handful of lemon drops from the bowl on his desk and settled back with his paper. Fawkes the phoenix gave a loud squawk.  
  
"Quiet, Fawkes." Dumbledore muttered offhandedly. Suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, Fawkes took off from his perch, took a crap on Dumbledore's head, and landed on top of a particularly tall bookcase. Dumbledore looked up and chuckled, his eyes twinkled merrily. What a silly bird. He sat back down again. Fawkes looked next to him. There was a giant bowling trophy with the words: "to Albus, the gutter ball king." just sitting there. He squawked. Dumbledore looked up.  
  
"Fawkes, what are you doing?"  
  
"Squawk!" (Translation: I never liked you anyways!) And he pushed it off the edge of the bookcase. It hit the "gutter ball king" square between the eyes.  
  
  
  
In the waiting room:  
  
Draco and Harry were staring at Ginny in confusion. Suddenly, a loud gurgle was heard. It sounded like Mount Vesuvius erupting in a giant bowl of pudding. Harry clutched his stomach. His mouth gaped open till he looked like a large carp with black hair, wearing round glasses. Ginny rushed to his side,  
  
"Harry, what's wrong?" she screamed much louder than necessary. Three doctors pushing a gurney near them stopped and looked at her. "What are you looking at? Get on with your doctoring." They rushed onward while whispering among themselves and giving her dirty looks. Harry moaned and fell back onto the hard plastic chair. His head spun, and he could feel his stomach writhing.  
  
"Get me a bucket." He called suddenly and covered his mouth.  
  
"Haw haw! Harry's sick!" Malfoy taunted. He started poking him. "Not so hot now, are you potty? Not so hot-"  
  
"Bleargh!" Harry interrupted.  
  
"Eew! All over my new trousers! My father will not be pleased, satisfied, or thrilled." Ginny came back with a garbage pail.  
  
"Leave him alone, Malfoy." She turned to Harry. "Harry, what's wrong?"  
  
"Tuna… it was the… tuuuuna." Harry moaned into the garbage. It echoed. Like the graaaaaaand canyon! Then he gestured to the food machine. "Haw haw! Little Harry Larry can't even eat a tuna sandwich without getting sick!"  
  
"Shut up Malfoy! At least he can be left alone without getting things stuck in his nose!" Draco recoiled. The remembral quivered in his nostril. All of a sudden, the emergency room doors burst open, surprising them all. Two doctors pushed a gurney in, holding an old man with a long white beard. He was sitting upright on the gurney, crossed legged, posing like he was the king of…um…something…important. Harry, Ginny and Draco all recognized him as their headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. He smiled and waved royally at the three as the doctors lead his wheeled carriage into their midst. The three doctors left.  
  
"Dumbledore is that you?" Ginny asked.  
  
"Ah, if only it were. Then I would know you. Yet I don't. And I wish I did. You look like a very nice potato. RUTABAGA, RUTABAGA, RUTABAGA! ALL HAIL THE KING OF SWEDEN!" Dumbledore hummed his very own national anthem and stood upright on the gurney. It wobbled, but the he didn't seem to notice. He also didn't notice that he was wearing a hospital gown. And that everyone below him could see everything they didn't want to. He placed one hand on Ginny's head and one on Draco's, placed both feet on Harry's head (bent over the garbage pail) and did a back flip over the gurney (revealing one pasty white headmaster derriere). He landed on two feet with both hands over his head. Draco, Ginny and Harry stared in disbelief. Out of the blue, Dumbledore let a huge fart. It lasted for about three minutes without stopping.  
  
"Ahh… been holdin' that one in for ages!" he sighed and walked to one side of the gurney.  
  
"Dumbledore, what happened to you?" Ginny asked. Without warning, Dumbledore yelled, leapt into the air, and karate kicked the gurney out the swinging doors into the hall. They heard screams, a crash and a cat yowl. He turned back to them.  
  
"What on earth do you mean? I'm perfectly fine. BUT THE SOUP WAS FANTASIC!"  
  
He grabbed Draco's head and started repeatedly smashing it into a wall. "WHAT DID YOU SAY IT WAS AGAIN? TURTLE? SMASHING, I MUST SAY!" once Draco's head was firmly embedded in the sheetrock, Dumbledore stopped. From inside the wall, Draco moaned. A cloud of dust was floating around the room from the hole Draco's head had opened in the wall. Dumbledore sat back in a chair and started reading a magazine. Ginny and Harry looked and him in shock. Dumbledore looked up from the ad on a cream for vaginal itch, flared his nostrils and screamed. It was the kind of scream you hear in really bad horror movie. It was high pitched and everyone within a twelve-mile radius grabs their ears and said:  
  
"What the *$&!^#*$ was that?"  
  
When he finally stopped. He grinned. He seemed pleased with himself. Ginny took her hands off her ears, gave Dumbledore a confused look and tried to pull Draco out of the wall. Harry vomited in the bucket some more. Dumbledore sat there in his hospital gown copy of Women's Life in his hand and grinned.  
  
  
  
  
  
End of part three! Next comes… PART FOUR!!! What will happen to our fine heroes? What else will Dumbledore say before he comes back to normal? Will anything happen to Ginny? When will Ron and Hermione have the freakin' baby already? Stay tuned for, strippers, more craziness and the ACTUAL BIRTH!!! 


	4. When Dumbledore gets taken far, far away...

The waiting room from HELL!!!!!! pt.IV Where Dumbledore gets taken away.   


The group was interrupted from an awkward silence when the waiting room doors burst open and there stood a pack of doctors. At the front was the most attractive man in the world (according to him, his fan club and, at the moment, Ginny). His wavy brown hair was slicked back in dark oily waves and his perfect fake tan and amber eyes were complimented by a pair of designer glasses, matching an armani suit($300. www.armani.com/trashysuit ), Prada Stethoscope ($79.95 www.Prada.com/doctorsgear), and Gucci doctor's scrubs ($250 on clearance Gucci warehouse). 

The troop of outfitted, attractive men holding clipboards and the like, strutted in and froze in creative poses about the room. The most attractive (and best dressed) one of the bunch broke from his squatted "thinker" pose to say in a deep practised voice: 

"I am Dr.Rollins. These are my nurses. We're here to see mr..." He looked down at his clipboard. "Mr.Dum... dumblee... dumbleedorkus." He swiveled his head to fix his gaze upon Ginny, who giggled and turned red. "Would that be you, pretty lady?" 

"No, it's Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore." Harry said. "He's over here." Harry indicated professor Dumbledore who was preoccupied with sucking his toes. Standing next to Dumbledore was Malfoy sending obviously jealous dirty looks towards one of the masculine nurses posing near him without a shirt. Like store mannequins or well trained circus dogs, none of the models moved and inch. 

"ah, I see." said the attractive "Dr".Rollins. He strutted towards the toe-sucking man who tried to hide behind one of the plastic hospital chairs. Dr.Rollins put his hand out and spoke as if he were speaking to someone either very very slow, or foreign: 

"do - not - be - afraid." long pause. "I - am - here - to - help." 

"What's wrong with this guy, he foreign or something?" asked Dumbledore to Harry. Harry shrugged and vomited in the bucket some more. 

Without a blink Dr.Rollins went on. "Ah, patient seems to be responding well to therapy." and he scribbled something on his clipboard. "Now it says here that you have suffered a severe..." He paused here to straighten up and remove his glasses dramatically. They had no glass in them. "a severe blow to the head. A concussionism. And also have a case of... an... an-mee... an-me-see-ah?" 

"Amnesia?" Harry offered. 

"Whatever. And you're suffering from de...de-loo... You think you are someone else. And you could have a concussiony thingy. You need psychologicabblee help and maybe some strong antibiotics and a lobotomation." 

Dumbledore dropped his foot to answer "But I feel fine." 

"um... you do?" 

"why, yes. Just perfect." 

"Well..." Dr.Rollins seemed to consider this, then shook his head. "No, you're very sick. You need help. And I-" He raised his voice as if coming upon a genius idea for the first time. "I, am the doctor. And I must help you." 

"No, I really don't think so." 

"Yes. Actually... Just let me help you-" 

"No. I'm just fine. Just jolly fine good." 

Dr.Rollins turned to Harry. "He IS sick, right?" Harry nodded. Dr.Rollins continued "But it says here that you need help, you might have a concussionism." 

"No, I really don't think so." 

"But it says so on my clipboard! I-" 

"THE LOBSTER-MAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!" Dumbledore screamed and rocked back and forth where he sat. Dr.Rollins stepped back. 

"It's worse than I thought! We must operate immediately!" And he scribbled something on his clipboard. Harry looked over his shoulder and saw that he was actually scribbling all over a page of typed print. 

"Are you a real doctor?" Harry asked suspiciously. "Dr."Rollins (whose real name was Melvin Humperdink) straightened up quickly avoiding Harry's eyes. 

"Get this patient prepped for sugery!" he demanded his scantily clad nurses. They all broke their poses and started to preform a synchronized dance involving the removal of several articles of clothing. "No you fools! Grab that man!" They stopped (to the disappointment of Ginny... and Draco, but he would never admit it.) and grabbed Dumbledore from under the plastic chairs. They dragged him kicking and screaming ("The British are coming! The British are coming! DAMN NAZIS!!!") to the center of the room. 

"You can't do this!" Harry protested. He stood up but got dizzy and sat back down. "You're not a real doctor! You have no right to saw his head open!" 

(Dumbledore: "WHAT? Those crazy chinese torture methods.") 

"Of course I can, little man." Dr.Rollins (Melvin Humperdink) spat at Harry. "I'M attractive. Let's go, boys." And in (pretend) slow motion they all strutted out. You could see many a man-thong riding up a masculine behind. 

"It's okay, Harry. I'll bet anything that even if he doesn't squeal at the sight of blood, Dumbledore would never let them get near him." said Ginny comfortingly. 

"Let's just hope they don't bribe him with Happy Puffs." Draco sneered in a nasal tone. (He had stolen a palm organizer from one of the models and stuffed that in his other nostril.) 

"Shut up Malfoy."   
  
  


Stay tuned for Part V!!! (or five for you noneducated ones) what happens to our fine heroes? where does dr.rollins take dumbledore? WHEN WILL THIS CHILD BE BORN ALREADY!!!! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TO WRITE DISTURBING STORIES LIKE THIS??? The answers to all these questions and more coming to a computer screen near you!!!   
  
  
  



	5. In which Dumbledore becomes 'CURED'

Here's a little more, and here's a hint: NO TWINS!!!!! Although I thank you people who replied, twins would be just a little too predictable and cliché. That would therefore make my story boring and insulting to your intelligence. And does anyone like being insulted? I didn't think so.. Plus, I'm keeping you on your toes. Heh-heh. Anyways, here's PART FIVE, in which Dumbledore is "cured".  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes bum, bum, bum.."  
  
"WILL SOMONE SHUT HIM UP?!" Doctor Rollins screamed in disgust.  
  
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!" Dumbledore sang louder and rocked in the office chair he was tied to in the tiny surgery room.  
  
"Give him the sock." One of the nurses took off his sock (designer of course) and began to approach the singing loony cautiously.  
  
"AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOO-" Dumbledore held out the note as if it was the last he would sing.  
  
Dr. Rollins and every single one of his dancing nurses held their breathes to see if he would stop.  
  
"-OOOOOOOOOOOOO-" everyone leaned forward in his chair. "-OOOOES!"  
  
Dumbledore shut his mouth.  
  
A giant sigh was breathed.  
  
  
  
Silence....  
  
  
  
"BUM, BUM, BUM! I KNOW A SONG.." Everyone yelled in outrage and the male strip-dancer/medical assistant shoved his sock into the offending mouth. Dumbledore kept humming, but the overall sound was extinguished.  
  
"Thank you, Nurse Joe. Your oil foot massage comes later." Dr .Rollins said.  
  
"But I'm Nurse Michael." Protested Michael, adjusting the bowtie he wore without a shirt.  
  
"Don't care, you're all the same."  
  
"Dr. Rollins, what'll we do about old crazy over here?" Queried Nurse Alvin, Looking up from his game of Go Fish* with Nurse Bob and indicating the humming Dumbledore.  
  
"We won't REALLY operate on him, will we?" added Nurse Davy.  
  
"Of course not, you dimwits, I am not a real doctor! Plus, you know how I squeal at the sight of blood."  
  
"Heh-heh, yeah, that was real funny that one time you got a paper cut and you cried like a.. like a.." Nurse Bob had forgotten the word.  
  
"Like a GIRL!!!" Nurse Dave shouted. The room burst into laughter.  
  
"Be quiet all of you!" Dr. Rollins snapped, "..it hurt really bad.."  
  
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!" shouted Dumbledore who had spat out the sock.  
  
"Damn crazy, old.. crazy-man!!!! Put that thing back in his mouth."  
  
"Gross! I don't want to touch that thing after it's been in his mouth! I might catch the crazy!" One of the nurses said. (Probably Nurse Michael.) The rest of the nurses nodded in agreement.  
  
"Fine, give him some cereal."  
  
So Nurse Joe grabbed their box of Happy Puffs **, tipped Dumbledore's head back and poured happy puffs over his face.  
  
"Mmmm. maffy muffs!" Dumbledore mumbled happily through a mouthful of the crunchy delight.  
  
"So, what are we going to do with him?" asked one nurse.  
  
"I have no idea. Let's think!" So everyone paused and tried to think of an idea.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back in the WAITING ROOM.  
  
Ginny, Harry and Draco Malfoy were sitting around listening to the Kenny G Christmas special being played over the hospital sound speakers.  
  
It was February.  
  
Draco was singing along in a nasal falsetto:  
  
"sleeeeep in heaaaavenly peeeeee-eeeeease. hmm-mm in hmmm-hmm-hmm peeeeace. Siiii-iilent night."  
  
Harry was becoming more than a little irritated. He was subconsciously digging his nails into the arms of the hospital chairs making deep grooves in the plastic.  
  
Ginny held one of the old magazines in her lap and was crushing it with both hands as if they were clenched around a certain blonde's neck.  
  
"we wish you a hm-hm hm-hmmmmm."  
  
  
  
BACK IN THE SURGERY WARD:  
  
"Wait, I have an idea!" Dr. Rollins shouted spontaneously. Everyone cheered.  
  
(Nurses: "YAAAAY!!!")  
  
"I saw this on Saved by the Bell once! Does anyone have a large, blunt, heavy object?"  
  
"Why, I just happen to have a two-by-four RIGHT HERE!!!" Nurse Alvin said, holding it up.  
  
"Perfect!" Dr. Rollins grabbed the block of wood and stood behind Dumbledore, who was still crunching happily on his cereal. "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit."  
  
The phony doctor swung the heavy plank and gave the unsuspecting Dumbledore a heavy whack.  
  
"Damn.. foiled again.. by mighty mouse..." Dumbledore muttered as he sank to the floor. He lay there unconscious.  
  
"Is.. Is he.. dead?" asked Dr. Rollins.  
  
"You're the doctor, you tell us."  
  
"Well, I don't know if he's dead or not!"  
  
"Do CPR or mouth-to-mouth or something."  
  
"WHAT THE HECK IS CPR??? Damn it, Nurse Bob, don't poke him with your foot like that.." Dumbledore sat up. He groaned and rubbed the back of his head, then took his glasses off and inspected the cracks. Then, looking around the small hospital room he asked:  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"You're in safe hands, Mr. Doobledorkus. I am the man that SAVED YOUR LIFE! How are you feeling?"  
  
"Why.. I feel.. I feel.. ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! Thank you! Thank you, Doctor!" He stood and shook hands with Dr. Rollins vigorously. He then pulled him into a tight bear hug, kissed the air next to each of his cheeks and skipped out of the surgery room, hospital gown flowing behind him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Go fish was the only game any of the nurses could play. Crazy eights and old maid were just a little too difficult. Plus they played Go Fish wrong most of the time. They even played with little cards with fishes on them. They also had to refer to an instruction booklet too often.  
  
** "Happy Puffs, the stuff hallucinogenic dreams are made of!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Hey, I hope you liked this segment of "The Waiting Room from HELL" I'm sorry this part was so short, but I will update soon, so keep your pants on! Stayed tuned for more excitement, an unusual choice of name, what DUMBLEDORE does after he's 'cured', and the usual insanity with PART VI!!!!!! ( "THEN YOU DIE!!! DIEIDEIDIEIDIEDIE!!!" said a man without arms or legs, he had a skateboard and he dragged himself around by his teeth. Soon he will need dentures, but he has no job because he is crippled. RAMNDOMNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *This segment brought to you from my bestest potter pal, Cassie, aka happyhampstergas*.)  
  
And here is where I list the people I love READ THEIR STORIES: Miss Cleo, -Meisako (ESPECIALLY Meisako!!!!! Dude, you rock. Thanks for replying so many times!), -Atristique Conglation, -Katherine, -Ehren (Ryoko) Hatten, -Piccologirly, -Merle Charton, -Ailsa, -x- yammi- yu-somethingidon'twanttotypeoutgirl-x, -LaurelCrowned, -and Happyhampstergas (*SHE IS GOD!!!! WORSHIP HER, ALL OF YOU!!!*) I cannot thank all of you enough for replying!  
  
Lotsa love, Sandwichgirl 


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